The Straw That Broke The Camel’s Back

The Straw That Broke The Camel’s Back
or How DhammaSeeker Became Disenchanted With Amy Lee

I didn’t want to post some of the information that I’m about to back in May because I didn’t want to cause any more drama than necessary on my departure from evthreads. I think enough time has passed that tempers have leveled off a bit and I may as well share this silly story with you fine readers.

I’d been growing weary of the on-line Evanescence scene for awhile. My tolerance for suffering the daft had been waining (while the numbers of the daft were increasing) and then this happened.

From: “Andrew Lurie”
Subject: Ev
Date: Fri, 4 May 2007 18:15:35 -0700

Please do not allow John LeCompt or Rocky Gray to post on EvClub or EvThreads until further notice.


Andrew Lurie
110 Management, Inc.

Later that night we all discovered that John was fired and Rocky had left. The mod team on evthreads and evclub went into full damage control mode to help keep the situation as sane (haha) as possible. It was a real ‘up shit creek without a paddle’ scenario. Then we discovered that Amy had in fact gotten married on Saturday. The plot thickened.

I had seen the posts by people like Dev, Jasmine, and Bonita over the years, but I was still one of the enchanted. I wanted to believe that the person for whom I’d volunteered so much time was not the malicious drama monster I’d heard about from others. All of my email exchanges (to the very end) with her were polite and amiable (though we all know that she can have a sharp e-tongue, see: Ben Belchak).

I struggled through the weekend, and on Monday I resolved to seek clarity. It was silly for me to be in such mental anguish over people I barely knew, but the years of investment and relationships built on Evanescence just can’t go away over night. I sought the counsel of some REAL people who I knew and felt I could trust. One very wise person told me, “The truth you are seeking is in how this is affecting you in real life. You know. The daily lives of you, your wife, and your children. Home, work, and play…. You have to decide when enough is enough. And if it is affecting your real life, your physical body, and your mental health…then believe me…it is enough.”

I grew a pair and sent the following to the one person who could, if she wanted, ease my mind.

Date: Mon, 7 May 2007 15:59:31 -0600
From: “Wade”
To: “Amy Lee”
Subject: In the end, it is the reality of personal relationship that saves everything.

Dear Amy,

Part of me says I have no business sending this message while another part of me says I’ll forever regret it if I don’t. I’d like to start by sharing this quote by Thomas Merton that I’ve been going back to over and over these past few days.

“Do not depend on the hope of results. You may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and even achieve no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect. As you get used to this idea, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results, but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself. You gradually struggle less and less for an idea and more and more for specific people. In the end, it is the reality of personal relationship that saves everything.”

I felt comfortable enough to speak (er, type) plainly to you at the time of the evboard split and I feel compelled to be direct and honest once again.

When I see John write, “Singing beautifully for the duration of a record or two can move the spirit of the people listening, but the way you treat those around you who you are supposed to care about speaks volumes more than
that,” I can’t help but be concerned because I value personal integrity and authenticity above everything else, and I cannot fathom the circumstances that lead up this past weekend. Basically, what I’m asking is what happened?

If you feel that you need to forward this to management/legal, I’d rather not get a reply at all. That being said, what I’m sincerely hoping for is a personal, confidential reply that will help these past few days make sense. I hope to hear back from you soon.


(emphasis added above)

I knew that she was on her honeymoon and did not expect a reply until somewhere around May 14; and then this happened:

To: “Wade”
From: “Andrew Lurie”
Subject: Amy
Date: Thu, 10 May 2007 11:54:33 -0700


Please send any inquiries or other things regarding Ev (including John/Rocky) directly to me and not to Amy. She forwarded me some emails from you and asked me to deal with them.


Andrew Lurie
110 Management, Inc.

In retrospect it could be argued that I set the dominoes up in such a fashion that the outcome was predetermined. Maybe; maybe not. What I was seeking from Amy in that last email was, if not a candid explanation of what the hell happened on May 4, just an honest reply. Something, anything, to keep me among the enchanted. Some shred of evidence to help me maintain the illusion that there was a real, caring person inside the persona. So I got my answer — clarity finally. I was disappointed beyond belief, and at the same time relieved that I could in good conscience make my break with the situation and call it a day.

Date: Thu, 10 May 2007 15:43:37 -0600
From: “Wade”
To: “Andy Lurie”
Subject: an honor and a privilege
Cc: “Evelyn Kha”, “Naveen Jain”
Bcc: “Amy Lee”

It’s been an honor and a privilege serving the Evanescence fan community as a leader on and EvClub for the past several months. However, I’m writing today to let you know that I cannot in good conscience continue
my service as a moderator.

I have removed myself from the moderator group on EvThreads, but I believe Evelyn will need to do the same for me on EvClub.

I’ve also reverted the vBulletin templates back to the way I found them so there won’t be any future reliance on the domain that’s on my personal server. This will allow for 100% control of the design to be returned to sparkart forthwith.

Perhaps our paths may cross again in the future, and until then, I wish each of you only the very best.


To: “Wade”
Subject: Re: an honor and a privilege
From: “Amy Lee”
Date: Thu, 10 May 2007 23:46:38 +0000

This is a secret, but I am on my honeymoon right now. I just saw your email for the first time today, and then saw this one. It looks like you’ve bought into the hype, and its a real shame. You did a very good job wade, and I’m sad about your decision- but absolutely positive about mine. I’m through letting people walk all over my kindness- and it is, in fact, my integrity that stops me from talking about john. Thanks for all your hard work and loyalty. If there’s anything going on I don’t know about, please let me know. There is no reason for you to be upset, so I don’t completely understand your decision to leave. Let me know if you need anything. Take care.
Sent via BlackBerry from Cingular Wireless

And that’s the last communication between Amy Lee and me.

“In the end, it is the reality of personal relationship that saves everything.”

2 thoughts on “The Straw That Broke The Camel’s Back”

  1. You ruined her honeymoon =(


    p.s. I have a quote from that Thomas Merton on my Facebook and other assorted applications on the internets. It’s:

    “In silence we face and admit that gap between the depths of our being, which we consistently ignore, and the surface which is so often untrue to our own reality.”

    so wise.

    hugs & kisses <3

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.