Shit on Congress


Turds found in Capitol, but no ‘blossoms’ in sight
Published: Friday June 15, 2007

According to a Capitol Hill newspaper, police are unable to solve the mystery of the “caca caper.”

“Usually, if a turd gets into the Senate, it’s because he or she was elected,” Emily Heil reports for Roll Call. “But on Wednesday, several large piles of actual, nonmetaphorical ‘No. 2’ found their way into the Capitol, and the source isn’t yet clear.”

Heil continues, “On Wednesday afternoon, Capitol Police cordoned off a section of the hallway on the third floor of the Senate side of the Capitol, where at least three piles of the stuff were causing a stench — and a stir. At first, the word circulating among the staff was that a visiting child had fallen ill while in the gallery. But then the prevailing theory was that the foul stuff had come from an adult or group of adults making a yet-to-be-determined political statement.”

According to the paper, “Reports also circulated that the yucky stuff had been smeared on seats in the gallery overlooking the chamber floor, and the gallery remained closed hours after the incident was first noted.”

Excerpts from article:


Sources familiar with Capitol maintenance speculated it was “an unfortunate incident involving a child,” although they have no culprit and very little detail about how it transpired. The section of hallway was still closed as of late Wednesday and officials will engage in an “intense cleaning” of the section following Senate business Wednesday night, the sources said.

Witnesses said they couldn’t believe that a single culprit could have produced the volume of poo present or that a person could have, well, deposited it the normal way without attracting attention. Several witnesses speculated it had been brought in from elsewhere.

“There was so much of it, there was just no way it came from a little kid or even that one person had done it,” said one staffer who witnessed the stinky scene.



One thought on “Shit on Congress”

  1. *lmao!* *waves* XD

    yeah…but I only wish it was me! If I could afford it, I might send my shizzle via the U.S. Postal Service to the White House c/o President George W. Bush, but alas, I can’t afford the postage. Good idea, tho! *rofl*

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